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Ultimate Guide to Italian Jewish Weddings for Americans

The Roman Jewish community, or Comunità Ebraica di Roma, is one of the oldest Jewish communities in the world, with roots going back 2,000 years. Over that time, they have developed their own traditions. When it comes to weddings, there are some differences from the Jewish weddings you may see in America.

Jewish Movements

America: In the U.S., Judaism is typically divided into clear denominations, or "movements," such as Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, and Reconstructionist. American Jews often strongly identify with their movements, which each have different requirements for weddings.
Italy: The Italian Jewish population is much smaller—only about 30,000 total—so rather than being split into movements, Jews are mostly united under one umbrella: Orthodox. While most synagogues, including the Great Temple of Rome, are Orthodox, many Italian Jews belong to their local synagogue without being strictly observant in their daily life. The focus is on being part of the community rather than aligning with a specific level of observance. However, events held at the synagogue must conform strictly to Orthodox standards, which includes a number of requirements.

Bottom line: If you want to get married at a synagogue in Italy, it will be an Orthodox wedding. It will be in the Italian rite, which does have some differences from the Ashkenazi rite that is more common in the U.S.

More flexible arrangements can be made for religious ceremonies held outside the purview of the Roman Jewish community.

Pre-wedding Events

Jewish weddings in Rome are always held on Sunday, as Saturday is Shabbat. There are a number of events that traditionally precede the actual wedding ceremony.

Mishmarà: An ancient custom of the Roman Jewish community of gathering to study biblical passages and liturgical readings. It usually takes place on the Erev, or eve of, circumcisions, b'nai mitzvot, and certain holidays. For weddings, the Mishmarà is usually held the Thursday before the wedding. It often takes place in a home and consists of family and community members coming over for food and studying.
Shabbat Chatan: The "groom's Shabbat" is held the day before the wedding, as part of the usual morning Shabbat service. The groom is called up to the bimah, where he recites the blessing over the Torah and receives a special blessing. (In Ashkenazi tradition, Shabbat Chatan is also called Aufruf and the groom then gets pelted with candy, but this is not part of the Italian tradition.) The groom's family typically sponsors the Oneg food following the service.
Mikvah: The bride takes a ritual bath in the mikvah, where she purifies herself before the wedding. To comply with the rules, the ritual bath must happen at least seven days have passed since the bride's last period. The bride must shower beforehand and remove all external items, including jewelry and nail polish. The bride is not supposed to see the groom between the mikvah and the wedding. Rome has several mikvahs, including one at the Great Temple.

Requirements

If you are not already a member of the Roman Jewish community, there are additional requirements to get married in the community.

Premarital course: Couples need to complete a Jewish marriage counseling course sanctioned by an Orthodox community or rabbi.
Status certificate: Each person needs proof from an Orthodox community that they are Jewish.
Ketuba: In the U.S. many couples buy a pre-written ketuba and then have a scribe fill in their names, or choose what to write on their ketuba. In Italy, the ketuba must be hand-written and painted for each couple, with the cost starting around $2,000 depending on the design you choose.

Ceremony

Roman Jewish wedding ceremony customs are ancient and unique.

Bridal entrance: Wedding guests and the groom traditionally wait outside the synagogue before the ceremony. The bride arrives separately in a car, with a veil over her face. When she steps out, the groom lifts up the veil to check that she is, in fact, who he thinks he is marrying. (This unveiling tradition is actually older than the Ashkenazi bedecken, in which the groom places the veil over the bride's face before the wedding.)

Guest entrance: After the unveiling, the bride and groom walk ahead of the guests into the synagogue. Traditionally there is no procession of the wedding party, as bridesmaids and groomsmen are not common in Italian weddings.
Clothing: Men must wear a kippah, while women must have their shoulders and knees covered. The groom wears a tallit.
Seating: For most services in the synagogue, women sit separated from the men in the women's section, or mechitza. For weddings, women can sit in the main sanctuary seating, but are still separated. Men sit on the left facing the bimah, and women sit on the right.
Order of ceremony: The bride and groom, as well as two "witnesses" and perhaps other close family, head to a private room to read the ketuba and have it signed. The groom presents the ring he intends to give the bride to the rabbi for inspection as an "object of value." The group then comes back out and procedes to the bimah, which will have a chuppah. Members of the bride and groom's extended family stand behind them on the bimah for the ceremony.
Elements of ceremony:
- Kiddush, or wine blessing
- Placing of ring on bride's right pointer finger
- Private address from the rabbi to the couple
- The chazan singing the Seven Blessings in Hebrew
- Opening of the ark
- The berachà, or blessing of the couple (see below)
- Breaking of the glass
Berachà: A beautiful tradition unique to the Roman Jewish community where the groom's tallit is thrown over both the bride and groom. Then members of the family reach out to touch the tallit, and family members who can't reach touch someone who is touching it. The rabbi sings a special blessing over the couple, which is carried l'dvor vador, or generation to generation, through the family to the couple.

What you wont see: There are no exchanging of vows, exchanging of ring to the groom, and no remarks to the guests.

Roman Jewish Wedding Food

Traditional Roman Jewish dishes include:

Carciofi alla Giudia: Fried artichokes, a staple of Roman Jewish cuisine.
Pizza Ebraica: A sweet, fruit-filled cookie/cake traditionally made for special occasions. Also known as Jewish pizza, pizza di Beridde and pizza di piazza.
Visciole: A type of cherry cheesecake, with sweet pastry and cherry filling topped with ricotta cheese.

Kavod: Literally translating to "respect," the kavod is a small gift given to guests prior to the wedding or perhaps as a party favor. It usually includes pizza ebraica and other sweets, such as assorted cookies.

Kashrut: The Roman Jewish community expects Jewish couples to serve kosher food at their wedding reception, even if it is held at another venue.

Getting Married in Italy

Holding your wedding in Italy offers a romantic and culturally rich backdrop. However, navigating Roman Jewish traditions and requirements can be daunting for American Jewish couples looking to tie the knot in Italy. That's where a company like That's Amore Celebrations can guide you through the process, at whatever level of observance you're looking for, in order to make your dream of a Jewish wedding in Italy a reality.